Bad reaction
Apr 12, 2017
Last night I accomplished one of my big goals for the year: I told a story on a stage. I’ve done tons of public speaking over the years. Somehow actual storytelling seemed different – more personal and a little more nerve-wracking.
When I set this goal, my hope was to tell my first story at a SpeakUp Storytelling event here in CT. I love how they work with their storytellers. I was thrilled when after submitting my pitch for their April show, I got an email back that included the sentence “We loved your pitch and look forward to working with you to get your story ready for the stage.” Woo hoo!
Over the past month, I crafted and re-crafted my story. I had the unusual experience of telling it to the event organizers on the phone, unable to see any reaction they might have had (I’m told they liked it). I practiced it daily the week before the event, boring my dog to tears.
By the time I took the stage, I was ready. I bobbled the beginning a little, but didn’t let it distract me. I had fun with it, reminding myself that I was telling a story and making a connection with my audience members. I wondered if they could see how much my legs were shaking partway through. I mean, really really shaking. Eight minutes later, I finished to applause.
I felt triumphant. I enjoyed myself. The audience reaction made me so happy: smiles, laughter, head nodding, applause. I made it all the way to the end despite my legs shaking like crazy – I didn’t give up. Such a great experience.
The next day, however, I had a different reaction. A bad reaction. Watching a video my husband Fred took of me, I said “Oh my god – my hair is completely in my face! And I’m so fat!” Fred said “Really?!? You just nailed one of your big goals for the year, and THAT’S your reaction?!?”
Yes. That was my reaction.
Have you ever done that? Accomplished something really cool, then found a way to trash talk yourself? Is it just me? I kinda think it’s not. And the words I said! I’d never say that to someone else – can you imagine someone you love coming off a stage, asking how she did and you replying “Well, your hair was messed up and you look really fat.” You just wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t, right?
Honest to Pete, I don’t know where that reaction came from. I am happy that Fred called me out on it so I could shift my perspective and remind myself that I rocked it. Clearly, I have some work to do.
