lovingkindness

It’s an angry time. Is there anything more divisive than an election season, especially this one? I often feel like my beliefs are pitted against other peoples’ and social media simply adds fuel to the fire.

We’re also in the midst of a very violent era for our country, with black and LGTBQ lives so easily threatened. Thinking about it all makes me feel nauseous and helpless to do much to create positive change. And there are many things we can do: start conversations, be allies, peacefully confront hostility when we see and hear it. We can also generate lovingkindness. How? Through meditation.

I’ve been thinking of adding lovingkindness (also known as metta) meditation to my regular practice, and there’s no time like the present. The purpose is to direct goodwill toward others, including those you have a negative relationship with as well as yourself. Studies show that metta meditation can make us feel happier and more connected to others. As our connections grow stronger, perhaps we’ll be more likely to treat others more kindly. I believe we also generate positive energy that helps push out the negative.

Lovingkindness meditation is easy to do:

Start by sitting comfortably either on a chair or on the floor. Gently close your eyes. The meditation is a repetition of phrases, starting with ourselves before moving on to others. Traditional phrases include:

May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be safe.
May I be at ease.

I tend to vary these phrases as needed – a few moments of quiet time before I start gives me an indication of which phrases I want to say.

After repeating these a few times for ourselves, we move on to someone we like, perhaps someone who’s helped us.

May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you be at ease.

Next up is someone we feel neither love nor hate toward, simply neutral. For some reason, I tend to think of the guy who directs traffic in my dry cleaner’s parking lot.

May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you be at ease.

Then we consider someone we do not like, someone we have a negative relationship with. Could be someone in our personal lives, or someone in the public eye. As best as we can, we say:

May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you be at ease.

I find it’s helpful to remind myself that this person was once someone’s baby, someone’s child and is a human, even if they’re not always acting like a good human.

Then we direct our lovingkindness to all beings everywhere. Sometimes I imagine sitting down with the three other people I held in my thoughts while doing this meditation:

May we be happy.
May we be healthy.
May we be safe.
May we be at ease.

Do this for as long or as little as you like a few days a week. Ten minutes is a great starting time. As with all meditation, it gets easier to do on a regular basis.

Some good resources if you want to explore:

• Sharon Salzberg is the mac daddy of lovingkindness meditation in this country.
• This article talks about the science behind metta meditation and how to do it with your kids.
• Here’s an 8-minute guided meditation you can try right now.

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